Is this over now between you and me? Is it time to let go now? To be honest, I've been trying not to linger to this, however, this turns out to be a sweet destruction. I am torn between pushing to let what we have right now remained and pulling back to steer clear from trouble. Just like in a song of T-Swift "I know you were trouble when you walked in.." I know in my mind what I was putting myself through but I just couldn't stand the thought of giving it a try. At first, it made me see things in a positive way. I have manage to said to my own that few dates would be exciting and fun. It was actually it is what it is for the first few encounters. I definitely had fun and was able to enjoy your company. You are nice. And sweet. And a gentleman. Just thinking about these adorable traits of you is making me flushed. You. Are. Amazing. Knowing you for a short amount of time made me see how lucky I am to be spending time with a person like you. I even told you on our third date that I don't want to ever see you again because I am scared to fall for you. That you would only make me fall for you without the intention of feeling the same on your side. It truly scares the hell out of me. I was skeptical about every nice thing you were doing to me. It's crazy but I just couldn't stop my mind to overanalyze anything. I cried confessing you what I felt. It made me feel vulnerable. I never cried in front of a boy's face but I don't know how that moment got me so weak, I can barely breathe. I felt stupid and weird. But crying myself out made me feel good. It gave me relief and it actually relaxed my mind for over thinking. I am a pessimist. I always think of the worst. It's a trait I am not proud of but I am kind of glad that I have it. It made me not to assume and expect something in almost everything. It's like a shield that protects my heart from feeling disappointed and sad of things that aren't going well on my end, while furthermore, it makes me happy when great things happen unexpectedly. And I guess you already know how wrecked and complicated I am. I am crazy. Crazy enough to be feeling things I shouldn't feel so sudden and even crazier because I let things get me. It's a part of me getting unwrapped whenever I get to feel comfortable with someone. I feel like every time I tried to be true to you, the less interested you would feel towards me. At the back of my mind, I am trying to convince myself it's a good idea, however, a part in my heart wants me to be someone you might like. It's just so crazy. And I wish I could pass through this and pull myself back together and just be mindless of everything. I wish I am strong enough to control my feelings. I wish I can be someone I am not right now and not wanting anyone in my life to fill any hole that I feel I have. This is complicated and I know you would agree with it.
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