BEAUTIFUL YOU...

The flow of words just comes out whenever anyone's inspired , heartbroken, grieving, lonely or just trying to move on from the past. I guess this is my way of getting rid of these all-in-one thoughts out from my head, out from whatever delusion I am getting myself into. And for the guy, I guess I made this crazy shit for you cause I admit, you got me fixated on the idea that you liked me. You can either laugh at me, make me feel embarrassed, feel sorry for me or whatever, I don't really care. I just needed to get this off of me. So here it is:

BUT!

WOULD YOU...

PLEASE...

:)?

:D

RELAX!

SMILE!

'cause you are AMAZING :) or at least that's what I thought you are.

 OK, here it goes:

You're clearly out of my league,

It's like magic but without the trick.

I'm just a simple girl who can't even dance,

Whenever you looked at me, couldn't help but feel tensed.

You're a crush I can't keep myself not to adore,

Just a snap, you've caused my boring life a tremor.

You're nice and gentleman and all surreal, 

I wanna know you more and see if these are real.

Maybe I am too blind to see,
What your true intentions for me.
Deep down, I am hoping that you are genuine,
And not shallow with kindness from within.

The thought of wanting you wanting me is way too silly,

Because I am nothing but ordinary.

I'm very fond of you, you just don't have a clue,

I think you're amazing, honestly, I do.

Everything about you is sweet haunting,

Your eyes and smile are mesmerizing.

To be with you is out from the reality,

My mind made up such a crazy fantasy.


I guess this shows I am vulnerable,
To having to admit my feelings at all.
Your laughter and lingering glance,
Did you put a spell on me by any chance?

Sometimes I wish not having to crossed paths with you,

I didn't know missing you will make me blue.

But for a moment, I feel glad,

Cause you made this dull life of mine, somehow, not sad.

Tell me...

"I am simply thankful for your existence.", just one look at these set of words from Beau Taplin made me think of you... I am sorry for not being sensitive of your emotions, of me being selfish and always scared to get hurt. But you know the funny part of everything that happened? It seems like we're trying so hard on something that wasn't supposed to be. That's how I felt about how every thing is turning to be the opposite of what we wanted to be happening. It's like the universe won't let us. Was it meant to be? Or just not the right time? But when will things be right? Tell me... I am confused. Please talk to me. Or at least tell me if this is over. I don't want to be selfish and force you to stay just because I'm not yet ready to let you go. I don't want you to be unhappy. That's the least thing I would wish you to be. But, please, if you don't want this anymore, tell me... I missed you. Everything about you. All of you.

YOU & MY MADNESS

Is this over now between you and me? Is it time to let go now? To be honest, I've been trying not to linger to this, however, this turns out to be a sweet destruction. I am torn between pushing to let what we have right now remained and pulling back to steer clear from trouble. Just like in a song of T-Swift "I know you were trouble when you walked in.." I know in my mind what I was putting myself through but I just couldn't stand the thought of giving it a try. At first, it made me see things in a positive way. I have manage to said to my own that few dates would be exciting and fun. It was actually it is what it is for the first few encounters. I definitely had fun and was able to enjoy your company. You are nice. And sweet. And a gentleman. Just thinking about these adorable traits of you is making me flushed. You. Are. Amazing. Knowing you for a short amount of time made me see how lucky I am to be spending time with a person like you. I even told you on our third date that I don't want to ever see you again because I am scared to fall for you. That you would only make me fall for you without the intention of feeling the same on your side. It truly scares the hell out of me. I was skeptical about every nice thing you were doing to me. It's crazy but I just couldn't stop my mind to overanalyze anything. I cried confessing you what I felt. It made me feel vulnerable. I never cried in front of a boy's face but I don't know how that moment got me so weak, I can barely breathe. I felt stupid and weird. But crying myself out made me feel good. It gave me relief and it actually relaxed my mind for over thinking. I am a pessimist. I always think of the worst. It's a trait I am not proud of but I am kind of glad that I have it. It made me not to assume and expect something in almost everything. It's like a shield that protects my heart from feeling disappointed and sad of things that aren't going well on my end, while furthermore, it makes me happy when great things happen unexpectedly. And I guess you already know how wrecked and complicated I am. I am crazy. Crazy enough to be feeling things I shouldn't feel so sudden and even crazier because I let things get me. It's a part of me getting unwrapped whenever I get to feel comfortable with someone. I feel like every time I tried to be true to you, the less interested you would feel towards me. At the back of my mind, I am trying to convince myself it's a good idea, however, a part in my heart wants me to be someone you might like. It's just so crazy. And I wish I could pass through this and pull myself back together and just be mindless of everything. I wish I am strong enough to control my feelings. I wish I can be someone I am not right now and not wanting anyone in my life to fill any hole that I feel I have. This is complicated and I know you would agree with it.